Loving someone is never that easy

Two days ago,I hanged out with two girls of mine. We talked, laughed, and mostly we talked about our love life.Pick one of quote from Queen Elizabeth that i adore so much, adore is not suit word, i mean quote that i so agree. “Grief is the price that we have to pay for love”. And i couldn’t more agree with what she said, I’ve listened so many stories about love. If i can summary all of those stories, Love really change people, Love really hurt feeling, Love really put a tough girl or boy fell really down, Love even change people from pessimist into optimist person. The effect that happen because of love is really real.

Past years before, i didn’t really sure that i will fall deep down with someone, i always tell myself, don’t put yourself into trouble by falling in love, because from what i heard before, loving someone was that really hard.

2 or 3 friends couldn’t continue their relationship because they worshipped different God

some my friends ended their love life even they already hold on for 3 years, 4 years because there were third pary join in their  relationship.

the others broke up because they lose theirselves into their ego.

It only some cases that i got from what i hear.

Now, after 5 years i spent myself alone “single”, i can say, finally i get someone that really change how my life works.

Last year, I thought that from all of my friends i would be a woman who will married late. I was not really put myself into love life, for me love was only something that make you shy,giggle when you meet someone that you like. I still remember, i was heading my home while i was thinking, I really need someone for lean on. As woman i can do everything by myself. But there was a moment i was really sad, i cried when i rode my bike home I was so tired at that time, no one to tell with all of my problems, i cried a lot and prayed ” i really need someone in my life, someone that i can angry with, cry with, someone who can i rely on. I wish there is someone who can make my life easier tho”.

And February 2015 i met him, Mr. Gumelar. In march, he asked me if i want to be his girlfriend or not. And now we have a superb day to day togethe 🙂

I just want to say , thank you God to bring him to me (it sounds maybe so cheesy and so drama) but that’s what i feel right now). I have someone for me to rely on, someone who love me, and do his best to bring joyfulness to me.

But, Loving someone is really not that easy, 7 months iam in relationship, so many lessons that i learn that totally change my life.

Why i call it “lesson” ? because in the beginning it was so hard for me. I learn that i have to understand that Mr.Gumelar not kind of chat-person,he will only text me five times but if  get lucky, he can text for  maybe a quarter of his time per day. I learn that i have to really give him more more space for his fetish (his fetish ai his job), at the beginning he always that busy, i always angry with him, because i felt that he didnt have time for us. Crying was my activity that i did at that time. I learned so hard in this subject that i called “love someone right” .Understand people is really hard task. like seriously.

why it can be so hard ?

the reason is simply because i love him so.

I can be fucking ignorance person, really didn’t care with the others, but when it comes to him to us.

i just can’t.

Even loving him is not that easy, i still want to love him even more, Mr.Gumelar.

I’ve decided that loving someone is never that easy because there are so many things you should match each other.  Balancing this, balancing that.

Somehow those kind of thing make people horrible,sad, cry but like what i put in the beginning,

Grief is the price we have to pay for love, for someone that we love. put ourself in unbearable situation, but still try to stand together in there, because it more more easier to understand our partner that to lose them.

Loving you is not easy, but that what i need every single day. (cheesy but don’t care) :*

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Everyone must respect people seriously

Like seriously,

Respect the others so serious, put your feet on their shoes.

Some people always told me that we, as human should respect people, understand their ways.

i couldnt more agree. but the problem is THEY DON’T REALLY RESPECT SERIOUSLY.

or the problem is located in how we define respect.

I write this kind of blog, because lately i feel that i am not being respected, for my habit, decision.

I have an habit that maybe for some people it sounds so expensive, so fancy, so wasted-money.

yeah , i have my own “sanctuary”, it is at starbucks only at paragon mall. only in there.

I don’t know from when this kind of fancy,expesive, wasted-money habit came up.

But whenever i feel so alone, i drag my self to there.

first thing first.

i want to bold this kind,

am i so rich so i can afford drink sbux almost everyday?

the answer is totally not~

i always save my money, i manage them for sbux because i know i so enjoy to work in that place.

do i want to look so fancy by hang out in sbux?

iam sorry, the answer is totally not.

The problem is that place is STARBUCKS. coffee shop that closely by high brand.

so when i went there, people like “so fancy, so rich”

“why don’t you just stay at home? you could save your money”

thank you i’ll take your notes.

but honestly, if i can. i will

but this is my habit, i can full put my focus when i put my ass in there,

if people ask me “why”

iam sorry darling, i don’t have any reason except “i enjoy being there alone”.

That’s what i learn, everyone has their habit, decision, that maybe for the others looks and sounds so disgusting, ridicolous, rich, wasted-money.

Some women have habit shopping.

some people will judge them by so materialistic?

How if behind the reason they have that kind of habit because they have a hectic job, that make them so depressed every day, and their cure is shopping ?

can people still call them materialistic?

I don’t think so.

Let’s have a big respecting attitude 🙂

If there’s an habit or decision that people make, and it doesn’t suit your perception it doesn’t mean that people is bad.

Look deep down on their own reason.

The reason why become lazy is horrible

Who doesnt want to be success ?

basically everyone has their own definition of success.

and for me, success is that simple :

1. success is whenever i want to buy a thing without look at the tag price (yeah..if i like it, i will take it, no need to think twice because it’s too expensive) *it sounds so matrealistic*

2.Success is when i can help people. or . the cheesy word. we call it.  “giving impact”

well, that’s how i put my definition.

but number one will be my priority, because whenever i can afford everything that i want, that’s totally include help people *cheers

but

the tragically fact that i found out these days.

I AM CAUGHT IN LAZINESS.

dammit.

i even don’t know what to do with myself.

Many things that i must do, but i end up do nothing.

and then back again.

that i want to become success person.

and find this kind of picture, that little bit make me think.

that i have to force myself to achieve everything that i want to achieve especially in this year #thingsshouldaccomplishedbefore2016

so here we go..

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and this is what my house look like in the future (it looks so expensive) hahaha.

so this is how i remind myself, that become lazy is horrible thing that affect my future.

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egoism

Ada kalanya manusia menjadi sangat egois.

seperti ketika ada hal-hal yang tidak bisa tercapai ataupun menurut kita, kita sudah melakukan semampunya namun itu masih saja kurang buat orang lain.

ada kalnya manusia melihat dari sisi pribadinya, sisi yang sangat meningkatkan tingkat emosinya.

bahwa kita lah yang lebih benar dibanding yang lain, bahwa yang lain akan mudah untuk dipersalahkan atas sesuatu yang tidak bisa kita punya.

Dan mengendalikan hati pikiran untuk melihat dari sisi-sisi yang berbeda memang.sungguh.sulit. 

Tapi sekali lagi lihatlah kembali, kita selalu ingin orang-orang yang kita sayang tetap disana. 🙂

53 Quotes That Will Make You Rethink Everything

🙂

Thought Catalog

Flickr.com / domwalster

1. “Everything you can imagine is real.” ― Pablo Picasso

2. “I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” ― Gilda Radner

3. “The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.” ― Isaac Asimov

4. “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to…

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Words of Wisdom

well, that’s can be right

Sadie & Dasie

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sedikit Lagu untuk para wanita tangguh :)

Oke halo apa kabar, 

hari ini aku sudah berjanji pada buku agenda, bahwa malam ini aku akan mengisi blogku.

dan here we go…

mengetik dengan excited karena tema hari ini adalah “playlist of the month”

playlist bulan April, yang sudah aku pikirkan dari awal bulan kemarin 😀

bulan ini, ada salah satu tanggal spesial, 21 April hari kartini, hari dimana akhirnya wanita di Indonesia mendaptkan kebebasannya untuk punya pendidikan dan berkarya layaknya laki-laki.

Yap, mungkin bisa dibilang 21 April itu hari perempuannya wanita Indonesia.

maka, playlist of the month kali ini adalah tidak jauh-jauh tentang wanita dan kekerenan yang mereka punya 😀

selamat hari kartini para wanita Indonesia, tanggal dua puluh satu bulan April di tahun ini, semoga kelak apa yang kalian (para wanita) impikan dan dambakan akan menjadi nyata. 

 

dan selamat menikmati playlist yang dipersembahkan untuk para wanita hebat dan tegar dan perkasa 🙂 

1. Wolfmother-woman 

“Woman
You know you’re a woman
You got to be a woman
I got the feeling of love
When you’re talkin’ to me
You see right through me
I got the feeling of love”

 

2. Arctic monkeys – she’s thunderstorm

“She’s thunderstorms
Lying on her front
Up against the wall
She’s thunderstorms
In an unusual place
When you’re feeling far away
She does what the night does to the day”

 

3. Ne-yo – Miss Independent

“She got her own thing
that’s why I love her
Miss Independent
Won’t you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing that’s why I love her
Miss Independent
ooh the way you shine
Miss Independent”

 

4.The kooks – she moves In her own way

“o wont you go far
Tell me you’re a keeper
Not about to lie down for your cause
And you don’t pull my strings
‘Cos I’m a better man
Moving on to better things
Well oh oh, oh I love her because she moves in her own way
Well oh oh, oh she came to my show just to hear about my day”

 

5. Jet – she’s a genius

“what you know is who you are
and she’s anything
You don’t need an education to know the class that you’re in
They said “Hey there, girl, tell me what do ya do?”
She says “nothing, but I’m damn sure it’s more than you”
That girl is a genius.”

 

6. Dashboard confessional – belle of the boulevard

“Don’t turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard
In all your silver rings
And all your silken things
That song you softly sing – is keeping you from breaking
It’s a long way down”

 

7. Mumm-ra – she’s got you high

“She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
She’s got you high and you don’t even know yet
It’s the search for the time before it leaves without you
Have you lost your mind or has she taken all of yours too?
Whats this about? I figured love would shine through
We’ve lost romance this world has turned so see through
Open your mind, believe it’s going to come to
Romance alive and hope she’s going to tell you”

 

8. One direction – she’s not afraid

“She’s not afraid of all the attention
She’s not afraid of running wild
How come she’s so afraid of falling in love?
She’s not afraid of scary movies
She likes the way we kiss in the dark
But she’s so afraid of f-f-falling in love, love”

 

9. Maroon 5 – she will be loved

“I know where you hide alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls”

 

10. Ben Howard – keep your head up

“keep your head up, keep your heart strong.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Keep your mind set, keep you hair long.
Oh my my darlin’, keep your head up, keep you heart strong.
No no no no, keep your mind set in your ways,
Keep your heart strong.
‘Cause I’ll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change.”

 

Playlist ini adalah lagu–lagu yang sering aku taruh di playlist, ketika mulai lelah dengan segala masalah dan rutinitas. 

dan yang selalu sukses bikin senyum-senyum sendiri lagi ketika mendengarkan.

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“bukan tak percaya diri, karena aku tahu diri. biarkanku memelukmu tanpa memelukmu mengagumimu dari jauh”

jatuh cinta diam-diam 

mengagumi dari jauh 

pengagum rahasia

friendzone 

kakak-adik zone

akhir-akhir ini beberapa temen, berkeluh kesah tentang cerita frinedzone mereka, dan kelelahan demi kelelahan mereka menjadi seorang pengagum rahasia.

mungkin sebagian umat manusia pernah mengalami dari sebagian kisah yang rumit diatas.

atau mungkin ketika membaca kalimat diatas, terngiang satu nama yang pernah kalian doakan dan harapkan diam-diam ?

atau masih ?

menjadi pengagum rahasia itu pekerjaan yang berat, apalagi kalau target yang dikagumi adalah teman sendiri,

dan akhirnya seiring berjalannya waktu, ada title untuk manusia yang kisah cintanya seperti itu “friendzone/kakak-adek zone”.

friendzone adalah pengagum rahasia yang muncukl dengan dua cara :

1.temenan dulu baru suka, terus yaudah diam-diam aja suka,

2.suka dulu, nyoba deketin eh enggak dapet jadi terus yaudah temenan aja tapi masih ngarep mungkin kelak kalau si target nyaman dan yah kepepet bisalah di prospek lagi.

 

dan menutupi sebuah perusaan, itu memang bukan pekerjaan yang mudah.

sangat tidak mudah malah.

diperlukan skill dan keahlian yang terasah,

dibutuhkan experience juga. Aku meyakini pasti ada di hidup kita, ada satu manusia yang kita suka tapi yang bisa kita lakukan adalah diam-diam.

diam-diam menatap matanya.

diam-diam tahu apa kesukaannya

diam-diam tahu apa setiap detail arti mimik mukanya

diam-diam cemburu ketika orang yang kita-suka-diam-diam menyebut nama orang lain yang menyukai mereka

diam-diam tegar dan tabah ketika harus melihat orang yang kita suka akhirnya jadian sama yang dia suka dan akhirnya kita cuma bisa berujar selamat

diam-diam tersenyum ketika orang yang diam-diam kita suka putus cinta

diam-diam selalu berusaha keras ada untuk mereka yang kita suka secara diam-diam

dan diam-diam menyelipkan namanya dalam sebuah harapan dan doa, bahwa kelak ada keberanian dari kita dan ada kesadaran padanya.

itu sungguh tidak mudah, rasanya seperti harus pandai-pandai berakting, berbohong dan menutup-nutupi.

tidak semua orang terlahir dengan bakat seperti ini apalagi dengan jangka waktu yang sangat lama.

seperti seorang teman, yang dengan tegarnya menjadi pengagum rahasia selama bertahun-tahun tanpa pernah ingin mengungkapkan, dan dalam waktu 3 tahun dia dengan kuat dan tegarnya tetap diam-diam mengagumi wanitanya.

semua lagu yang berunsur tentang “mencintai diam-diam” pasti akan menjadi lagu favoritnya, dan menjadi playlist di semua benda yang bisa disimpan lagu didalamnya.

Jatuh cinta diam-diam itu memang pekerjaan yang sangat berat.

tapi bagi beberpa orang yang telah expert dibidang jatuh cinta yang model begini, mengungkapkan kekagumannya adalah bencana.

Bagi mereka itu bencana, walaupun mereka belum tentu tahu seperti apa realitasnya.

Tapi apapun itu di akhir cerita bersama teman-teman ini

pada akhirnya mencintai diam-diam adalah hal yang indah.

 

 

 

 

 

Jatuh cinta diam-diam adalah pekerjaan berat

Menerawang

Hari ini berjalan seperti biasa, tapi ada satu hal yang sangat di garisbawah di pertebal di cetak miring 

terjadi hari ini.

apa kalian percaya dengan seseorang yang bisa menerawang kalian ? 

menerawang seperti apa kalian sebenarnya? menerawang masa depan ?

aku adalah manusia yang tidak terlalu suka tentang ramal-meramal dan nrawang-menerawang.

bukan, bukan kkarena musyrik bukan karena tidak percaya.

sederhana, 

aku cuma berpaku pada “let universe suprise me” apalagi kalau perihal menerawang masa depan. 

“kamu gak pingin sar tahu masa depan kamu kayak apa yah siapa tahu bagus kan bisa diaminin?” 

itu pertanyaan yang sering ditanyakan saat aku menolak ajakan teman untuk diramal masa depannya.

buatku, aku lebih suka memikirkan apa yang akan terjadi nanti saat itu memang terjadi, ketimbang memikirkan sesuatu yang sebetulnya kita sendiri belum tahu itu terjadi atau tidak.

jadi ini bukan tidak percaya, tapi keraguan. mungkin.

dan ketika kita tahu seperti masa depan kita setelah selesai diramal, jika itu baik maka kita akan suka mengaitkan itu dengan hal-hal lain.

dan kita menjadi tidak sabar kapan itu akan terjadi (ya ini terjadi ketika ketika ramalannya baik 🙂 )

 

Tapi hari ini berbeda, 

bukan penerawangan tentang seperti apa masa depan, jodoh, melahirkan, sukses dan bla blanya itu.

bukan.

hari ini, penerawangan dilakukan gratis. bahkan terkesan dipaksakan. 

Selesai mengikuti seminar Socio-Act di gedung teknik sipil, seorang satpam tiba-tiba mendatangiku.

tiba-tiba dia menanyakan namaku dan menyalamiku, cara bersalaman bapak ini “so firm” 

dan tertiba dia menerawangku,

dan hasil dari penerawangannya adalah 

 

“Kamu orangnya lebih mengutamakan logika daripada hati, kamu gak begitu memikirkan tentang percintaan ya ? “

“iya pak”

“ya itu, karena kamu selalu menggunakan logika. tapi ada dua alasannya kenapa kamu kayak gitu 

satu kamu pernah disakati dan yang kedua kamu mau fokus jadi sukses dan punya financial yang baik “‘

“……….” sambil menyengitkan dahi 

“hahah iya pak iya hahahah”

lalu aku ijin untuk beranjak pergi.

satu hal yang pasti, itu sebenarnya mengerikan karena aku sama sekali tidak tahu siapa bapak itu, oh aku tahu dia satpam. 

ya dia itu satpam.

tap setelah aku diterawang seperti itu, aku berpikir apa iya aku sebegitu menggunakan logika ketimbang perasaan ?

sungguh kelaki-lakian sekali rasanya.

kemudian, aku memastikan ke anak-anak yang cerita juga kalau mereka diterawang, dan tanggapan mereka sebagian ya membenarkan sebagian kurang tahu.

tapi satu hal yang kita setujui, bapaknya ngeri juga tiba-tiba kita pada fiterawang gitu aja, karena biasanya orang yang menerawang tidak menerawang tiba-tiba, biasanya mereka diminta dahulu. 

tapi ini ajaib, si penerawang dengan suka rela menerawang kita satu perssatu.

terlepas dari si bapak yang menerawang. 

aku hanya terpaku pada kalimat “kamu lebih menggunakan logika ketimbang hati (perasaan) “

mungkin ini memang ada benarnya, aku memang lebih menyukai semua yang bisa aku logika, karena cakupannya bisa dilogikakakan, bisa disusun secara sistematis dan yang terpenting bisa dipastikan.

dan ketika lebih menggunakan feeling akan berujung menyakitkan, lebih banyak yang tersalur ke pikiran. 

tapi untuk alasan nomer dua kenapa aku menggunakan logika dari si bapak, aku tetap akan benarkan dan tentunya wujudkan 🙂

“menjadi perempuan sukses dengan finasial yang baik”

🙂